Her Name Is April Rose

Maybe you’ve felt like this before. I damn sure have. Shit sucks don’t it?

This here is on some truthful shit. It seems like everything I do, you’re used to it. And I hate hearing stories bout who you’ve been with. That’s when I gotta hide what I’m feelin’ inside, so you still think I’m confident and damn.. Is this gonna last? You’re up on a pedestal. Are we moving too fast? Feel like I’m in crazy competition with the past. That’s why I gotta ask, is anything I’m doin’ brand new?

I know from my past experience, at times it’s extremely difficult to deal with the insecurities of competing with the past. When you’re conversing with somebody you love, someone you care so deeply about, someone who says that he/she loves you, too, it’s just like.. Why do you think I want to hear anything about your ex? As little as the story may be, I don’t really care to know. Maybe that’s selfish on my part, especially if the two are still friends (because I know I’m still friends with an ex or two). But then again, I think it’s somewhat selfish on his part as well to not see it from my perspective.

Speaking of the past, me and my homie Kev had a heart-to-heart the other day. He was having problems with his girlfriend and needed someone to vent to. We started talking about the problems we had with our exes and both of us agreed that it’s best to get over what happened in the past and focus on current relationships. But when the same thing happens in EVERY relationship you’ve been in, it’s hard to not feel like it’s happening all over again. It’s especially difficult when some situations you might deal with in the present are reminiscent of the past.

When it comes to me, if I bring something up, I’m not saying that, “OMG. You’re cheating on me like my ex did..” I’m simply putting it out there that whatever he is doing does remind me of my ex. No, I’m not saying he’s exactly like my ex, but more so that I might just need a bit of reassurance sometimes. A nice random “I love you” or something like that. But a lot of people don’t get that. You’re not necessarily questioning his/her behavior. You’re just trying to protect yourself from getting hurt all over again (granted, I know some people OD with the questioning). The feeling isn’t fun. Kev was extra excited to hear that somebody understood where he was coming from (our souls touched *insider* lmao).

Then again, that’s where trust comes in. If you truly believe that he/she is different from the rest you’ve dealt with, then you’ve got to trust that they won’t do you the same way. I’m working on my trust issues. I don’t want my next relationship to be filled with doubt and insecurities. I used to question peoples’ intentions a lot, but I’ve definitely learned to hold my tongue a bit and come to terms with the fact that not everyone is as grimey as my ex. It doesn’t hurt that I have besties to vent to, too =]

So hmm.. Gotta tie this all together right.. Jerry Springer “Final Thought” kinda moment? Uh well…

Whether platonic or romantic, trust is the key to every relationship. Some people just need a bit more time and reassurance to feel completely secure with trusting you 100% with their heart (or in Nii-Amon’s case, he doesn’t trust anyone 100% but himself *shrugs*). Don’t assume that every question is a case of them acting insecure for no reason or thinking that you’re cheating on them. Hear them out…. but if they start getting outta pocket on some “I need an ‘I love you’ every 5 minutes” type of thing, put them in their eff’n place….

On that note, time for breakfast..

♥ April Rose

It’s a little gory, but I love it. I’m really not a Gnarls Barkley fan, but this song is just.. so true. The video is so brilliant and relatable… Well, at least I know I can relate to dude.

Sara! I know you don’t watch half the vids posted on here lol, but watch this one!

And side note.. yes, I’m still pissed off from last night.

♥ April Rose

.. I was waiting on you. Waiting on a dream that’ll never come true.

808′s and Heartbreak is on heavy rotation, especially this track. I played it 44 times in a row today (well, according to iTunes *shrugs*). Yes, I’m in that type of mood right now.

And yes, I know what today is. I’m not too big on holidays, but Happy Turkey Day people =]

♥ April Rose

.. that I’m just now finding out my cousin Nicole had her baby on November 1st.

Everyone say hello to new baby cousin Demiras Celeste. Gorgeous isn’t she? She gets it from her mother! I love her already and I haven’t even seen her. They’ll be getting a visit this week. Ahhhh I’m excited =] lol.

♥ April Rose

Think about the years I was raised.. Back in the day..

This song always makes me smile =]

I guess you could say it was the theme for this past weekend. Now, high school was.. interesting. Not the highlight of my life lol, but I definitely do miss a few people from my past, including my boy Gerald. Now he came back home from UMES for the holiday and me and Teresa sat around with him reminiscing. Well, more so me and him being all nostalgic, while she sat back laughing at exactly how stupid me, Gerald, and our circle of friends were.

Like for instance, we told her about our group’s first New Year’s together. I took my first sip (well gulps) of liquor with these people when I was 17 on New Year’s Eve in 2005. Everything must have happened that night, half of which I don’t remember. (*side note* You ever fill half of one of those Big Gulps from 7/11 full of Everclear, mixed it with Hi-C + took it to the head? Yeah.. Well.. Not fun.) But from what I can tell you.. *sigh* Monroe threw his usual tantrums and threw his cell phone clear across the house, while chasing people around with knives. Will had somehow cut himself on some glass. I threw up a hot dog… Don’t ask lol. Kellz threw up in front of the bathroom while I sat on the floor and laughed lol. Kenny and Sean stripped, while Sean got hit on by some chick with Gonnorhea (No, he didn’t know.. Didn’t smash or get topped off.. and deleted her number as soon as I told him lol). Gerald + Jessica being the only sober and responsible ones took care of us all. Gerald even ended up breaking a big ass bottle of 151 on the driveway in an attempt to save us from killing ourselves. Thanks lol. Rome was sober, but he was off tryna get some cheeks more than likely lol.

There’s countless stories of how we spent our high school years together. From my 17th birthday being ruined (and me, Rome, + Gerald being the only happy ones that night lol) to running around with the video camera in the TGI Friday’s parking lot to crossing the friend lines at Kenny’s house lol.. we always had fun doing absolutely nothing together and I really miss that. Don’t get me wrong. I love my college friends to death and we’ve had tons of great moments, but I don’t think anyone will come close to what those people were to me.

We were a family.. a very dysfunctional one, but a family nonetheless. Of course we all graduated from high school. Some of us slowly just grew apart in college, while some ties were completely severed. For the most part, it’s still love. I miss them and our times together, but life goes on right? I still have my memories.. and Gerald’s animated ass to act them all out..

=]

♥ April Rose