Is anything I’m doing brand new?

Maybe you’ve felt like this before. I damn sure have. Shit sucks don’t it?

This here is on some truthful shit. It seems like everything I do, you’re used to it. And I hate hearing stories bout who you’ve been with. That’s when I gotta hide what I’m feelin’ inside, so you still think I’m confident and damn.. Is this gonna last? You’re up on a pedestal. Are we moving too fast? Feel like I’m in crazy competition with the past. That’s why I gotta ask, is anything I’m doin’ brand new?

I know from my past experience, at times it’s extremely difficult to deal with the insecurities of competing with the past. When you’re conversing with somebody you love, someone you care so deeply about, someone who says that he/she loves you, too, it’s just like.. Why do you think I want to hear anything about your ex? As little as the story may be, I don’t really care to know. Maybe that’s selfish on my part, especially if the two are still friends (because I know I’m still friends with an ex or two). But then again, I think it’s somewhat selfish on his part as well to not see it from my perspective.

Speaking of the past, me and my homie Kev had a heart-to-heart the other day. He was having problems with his girlfriend and needed someone to vent to. We started talking about the problems we had with our exes and both of us agreed that it’s best to get over what happened in the past and focus on current relationships. But when the same thing happens in EVERY relationship you’ve been in, it’s hard to not feel like it’s happening all over again. It’s especially difficult when some situations you might deal with in the present are reminiscent of the past.

When it comes to me, if I bring something up, I’m not saying that, “OMG. You’re cheating on me like my ex did..” I’m simply putting it out there that whatever he is doing does remind me of my ex. No, I’m not saying he’s exactly like my ex, but more so that I might just need a bit of reassurance sometimes. A nice random “I love you” or something like that. But a lot of people don’t get that. You’re not necessarily questioning his/her behavior. You’re just trying to protect yourself from getting hurt all over again (granted, I know some people OD with the questioning). The feeling isn’t fun. Kev was extra excited to hear that somebody understood where he was coming from (our souls touched *insider* lmao).

Then again, that’s where trust comes in. If you truly believe that he/she is different from the rest you’ve dealt with, then you’ve got to trust that they won’t do you the same way. I’m working on my trust issues. I don’t want my next relationship to be filled with doubt and insecurities. I used to question peoples’ intentions a lot, but I’ve definitely learned to hold my tongue a bit and come to terms with the fact that not everyone is as grimey as my ex. It doesn’t hurt that I have besties to vent to, too =]

So hmm.. Gotta tie this all together right.. Jerry Springer “Final Thought” kinda moment? Uh well…

Whether platonic or romantic, trust is the key to every relationship. Some people just need a bit more time and reassurance to feel completely secure with trusting you 100% with their heart (or in Nii-Amon’s case, he doesn’t trust anyone 100% but himself *shrugs*). Don’t assume that every question is a case of them acting insecure for no reason or thinking that you’re cheating on them. Hear them out…. but if they start getting outta pocket on some “I need an ‘I love you’ every 5 minutes” type of thing, put them in their eff’n place….

On that note, time for breakfast..

♥ April Rose