Her Name Is April Rose

This is going to be very lengthy. Bear with me. Or skim.. Whatever.

Let’s flashback.

It’s 3:20. I’m on Livy in Beck Hall with Dali. Cathy Lee is lecturing in my Minority Groups class. Her puppy’s running around up front. Jamar’s asking some random question not having to do with anything she’s talking about as usual. My phone starts vibrating. It’s Sara. She’s in St. Louis. Wonder what she’s calling for. I’ll call her back when I get out of class.

4:40. Class is over. I’m hungry. Busch Dining Hall, Dal? Over to the bus stop we walk. Shit. Sara called. Let me call her back. She sounds like she’s in tears. “Your mom didn’t tell you? Grandma died.” What? This can’t be real. I hang up and call my mother. Hello? “Hey, kiddo.” What? She sounds perfectly fine… Mom, what happened? She bursts into tears. This can’t be real. She tells me what happened and we hang up.

I start sobbing in front of the 40+ students standing around us at the bus stop. Dali’s trying to console me. “Do you wanna go back to your dorm?” No. I’m hungry. Let’s go. In all actuality I just know I’m not going to stop crying when I get back to my room. I really don’t want to cry. I’m going to stay in public for as long as possible.

5:00 – We’re the dining hall. It’s Mek. Why is the only time I run into her at a dining hall? Weird. “Are you ok? What’s wrong?” I tell her what happened. She hugs me. Consoles me. Tell me everything I needed to hear at that moment. Me, Dal, & Mek all sit there and talk.. Try to get my mind off of everything. I even laughed. Thanks guys. I needed that.

The funeral’s packed. Aunt who? Uncle what? Ok. If you say so. I’m 18 now. Don’t pinch my cheeks. I don’t even know you. Sara’s walking with me. I need to see my grandmother. We’re walking up to the casket….. WTF DID THEY DO TO MY GRANDMOTHER’S HAIR? Smh. Stupid funeral homes. Time for the service. Prayers. Psalm 23. That was always her and grandpa’s favorite. Who are these people singing? Whoops. Aunt Noreen’s phone is going off. Some country song. That has to be my grandma messing with us. You don’t like their singing either huh?

Fast forward to the 26th. I’m back at school on the computer. Hey. It’s my Kenny. “April, why didn’t you tell me your grandmother passed away?” Crazy how I didn’t tell him. That’s been my homie since elementary. He’s ALWAYS there for me. We’re conversing…. “April I think you need to see this.” He proceeds to copy and paste IMs between him and my former best friend Monroe. *I don’t have the whole conversation anymore. I stole these tidbits out my outbox from a very long message I sent to Monroe on FB.*

Hottestplaya2005 (9:36:18 PM): if it was her mom it would b different

Hottestplaya2005 (9:42:01 PM): no its called life..i text her and helped her threw it..i am very busy and i dont’ care if u think its ignorant or not i can’t change my whole life around for that and like sit on the phone wit her for hours

Hottestplaya2005 (9:46:22 PM): like i said i can’t put my life on hold and thats not ignorant thats jus life

What.. the.. fuck? That’s supposed to be my “big brother” one of my “best friends” saying all this about my grandmother? Did this bitch just tell him that my grandmother’s death wasn’t important? Nixed from MySpace & Facebook. Number deleted out my phone.

A Facebook message? This dude has some nerve. “so ur that mad that i didn’t call u back that u delete me from internet sites?” Are you serious? Did really just ask me that? You just said my grandmother’s death wasn’t important.. Mind you it’s because I never spoke about her. I barely speak about my brother. Does that mean *God forbid* if he passed away that his death shouldn’t be important to me? You disgust me. There goes our friendship.

Fin.

Grandma, Sara, & Me

Yes.. That’s me.

Ok. I’m done venting. Grandma, I miss you. I still remember you walking up to Hawthorne to get me after school. Sorry for stealing the Jellos out of your fridge, even though you probably already knew me and Sara were taking them. Jeopardy & Wheel of Fortune aren’t the same. I miss sitting in your room at night with you as you fell asleep to that creepy Christian radio guy. He really did scare me.

Oh and I know that’s you constantly messing with my TV. Stop it lol =/ you know I’m afraid of the dark. But I wouldn’t mind if you suddenly appeared in one of my mother’s dreams and tell your daughter how much of an asshole her boyfriend is. =]

Anyway, I hope I’m making you proud. I love you, Grandma.

♥ April Rose

…for wanting to pull a Bush and throw my eff’n Jordan at this girl’s head? Let me explain.

Last Friday in my Intro To Art class, we were discussing censorship. My teacher displayed pieces of art that have been taken to court over cases of censorship and the 1st amendment. The first piece he put up was an installation by an artist who goes by the name of Dread Scott (yes, he took the name from the slave involved in the historical Dred Scott v. Sandford case of 1857). It was called “What is the Proper Way to Display a U.S. Flag?“

This is the installation pictured on the left. As you can see in the photomontage above, there are two ways that the American flag is being displayed. Korean students are burning the flag and holding signs saying “Yankee go home son of bitch” and coffins draped in the American flag in a troop transport.

In the installation, the photomontage is hanging on the wall with a shelf with a book below it for people who view the installation to write their thoughts. But as you can see the American flag is laying on the ground and in order to write on the book, you must walk on the flag to do so.

Some call it art. Some call it an atrocity. President Bush (the first one) called this piece disgraceful. What do you think?

So this girl in my class walks in late and starts adding her two cents into the discussion. Mind you this is the girl who always has something to say about everything and drags EVERY SINGLE TOPIC out longer than it needs to be. She starts calling it a disgrace and starts yelling about how he should be arrested… alright.. Calm down.

Moving on.

More work from Dread Scott we covered.

The Blue Wall of Violence is an installation that addresses police brutality. It focuses on the object which the police “mistook” for a dangerous weapon when they shot an unarmed person. The project consists of several elements: On the wall are six actual FBI silhouette targets which police use for shooting practice. Protruding from each of these is a cast of an arm. In each hand is an object-wallet, house keys, 3 Musketeers bar, squeegee, etc. In front of this is a coffin and in front of the coffin are three police batons which each strike it every 10 seconds with a loud penetrating bang.

Details of Scott installing Sign of the Times in Fort Green, Brooklyn on site where Floyd “Fly Ty” Quinones was killed by police, April 30, 2003.

Scott’s art reproduces Hattie McDaniel, the actress who played Mammy in Gone with the Wind, and emblazoned across her smiling face: “If white people didn’t invent air, what would we breathe?” Part of his BOOM Series.

Now she threw a eff’n FIT when she saw these pieces. She started ranting about how they promote violence against police and white people. She then went on to say that these pieces need ratings like they have for Grand Theft Auto…..

=|

What the fuck is your ass talking about?

These pieces have nothing to do with video games. This actually happens… Floyd Quinones wasn’t a perfect man. In fact, he was an ex-con, but does that mean he deserves to be shot IN THE BACK and killed? I don’t think so. Police brutality is real. Officers shooting and killing unarmed people is real. Need I remind you all of Sean Bell and Oscar Grant?

Am I saying I don’t like the police? No. I fully appreciate officers who actually do their jobs and are here to serve the people. All I’m saying is there are officers on the street who aren’t fit to have guns in their possession.

As far as the piece with Hattie McDaniel… Shit. I don’t know what yall interpretations are, but I know that Gone With The Wind perpetuated this myth that slaves were happy being slaves and race relations were not an issue. Yeah aight.. The portrayal of race relations in Gone With The Wind was one of the main controversies of that book & the movie. And that image of Hattie McDaniel represents all that is wrong with that myth.

But anyway.. back to the girl.. She just kept talking and talking. And I could tell that I wasn’t the only one getting pissed off. She sounded so narrow minded, so sheltered. Like wtf? It saddens me that there are still people in this generation so ignorant as to what happens in the world outside of their communities.

This isn’t some video game or some drama you see on prime time TV. This is real life.

Smh.

♥ April Rose

So I been thinking about Mr. Man a lot lately… You know sitting back a weighing the pros and cons of our relationship (or lack thereof). We went from talking everyday to barely speaking at all. When he hits me up it’s always ‘babe this’ or ‘[insert his nickname for me here] I miss you’. I mean.. ok. I guess. Do you even really mean that?

I don’t know what it is.. Speaking to him just isn’t the same. Could I picture myself with him? I don’t know. He’s changed. I know he has a lot going on, but so do I. I don’t ask for much from him, but he acts as if I want him to devote every moment to me. He treats me as if I’m being selfish for wanting to hear from him for more than 5 minutes a week.

And now it’s gotten to the point where I just don’t even notice it anymore. Days going by without speaking to him is regular. When he comes around, he comes around. It’s whatever. My time is consumed by school, studying, and people looking to replace him.

I hit him up today. No response. We got into a minor argument last night about him not calling me like he told me he was going to do earlier in the day. I mean honestly, I really wasn’t mad at all because I wasn’t expecting the phone call he promised anyway. I just wanted to point it out to him that I don’t believe what he says to me anymore.

So after I sent my message to him, I pretty much said fuck it, started texting my dearies and turned on my iTunes. Funny how this song is the one that popped up on shuffle. How fitting…

Ha. Ain’t that the damn truth.

Drake post #1023932052385.6 for me. So what? I promise the next entry will be more thought provoking lol.

♥ April Rose