2.20.07

This is going to be very lengthy. Bear with me. Or skim.. Whatever.

Let’s flashback.

It’s 3:20. I’m on Livy in Beck Hall with Dali. Cathy Lee is lecturing in my Minority Groups class. Her puppy’s running around up front. Jamar’s asking some random question not having to do with anything she’s talking about as usual. My phone starts vibrating. It’s Sara. She’s in St. Louis. Wonder what she’s calling for. I’ll call her back when I get out of class.

4:40. Class is over. I’m hungry. Busch Dining Hall, Dal? Over to the bus stop we walk. Shit. Sara called. Let me call her back. She sounds like she’s in tears. “Your mom didn’t tell you? Grandma died.” What? This can’t be real. I hang up and call my mother. Hello? “Hey, kiddo.” What? She sounds perfectly fine… Mom, what happened? She bursts into tears. This can’t be real. She tells me what happened and we hang up.

I start sobbing in front of the 40+ students standing around us at the bus stop. Dali’s trying to console me. “Do you wanna go back to your dorm?” No. I’m hungry. Let’s go. In all actuality I just know I’m not going to stop crying when I get back to my room. I really don’t want to cry. I’m going to stay in public for as long as possible.

5:00 – We’re the dining hall. It’s Mek. Why is the only time I run into her at a dining hall? Weird. “Are you ok? What’s wrong?” I tell her what happened. She hugs me. Consoles me. Tell me everything I needed to hear at that moment. Me, Dal, & Mek all sit there and talk.. Try to get my mind off of everything. I even laughed. Thanks guys. I needed that.

The funeral’s packed. Aunt who? Uncle what? Ok. If you say so. I’m 18 now. Don’t pinch my cheeks. I don’t even know you. Sara’s walking with me. I need to see my grandmother. We’re walking up to the casket….. WTF DID THEY DO TO MY GRANDMOTHER’S HAIR? Smh. Stupid funeral homes. Time for the service. Prayers. Psalm 23. That was always her and grandpa’s favorite. Who are these people singing? Whoops. Aunt Noreen’s phone is going off. Some country song. That has to be my grandma messing with us. You don’t like their singing either huh?

Fast forward to the 26th. I’m back at school on the computer. Hey. It’s my Kenny. “April, why didn’t you tell me your grandmother passed away?” Crazy how I didn’t tell him. That’s been my homie since elementary. He’s ALWAYS there for me. We’re conversing…. “April I think you need to see this.” He proceeds to copy and paste IMs between him and my former best friend Monroe. *I don’t have the whole conversation anymore. I stole these tidbits out my outbox from a very long message I sent to Monroe on FB.*

Hottestplaya2005 (9:36:18 PM): if it was her mom it would b different

Hottestplaya2005 (9:42:01 PM): no its called life..i text her and helped her threw it..i am very busy and i dont’ care if u think its ignorant or not i can’t change my whole life around for that and like sit on the phone wit her for hours

Hottestplaya2005 (9:46:22 PM): like i said i can’t put my life on hold and thats not ignorant thats jus life

What.. the.. fuck? That’s supposed to be my “big brother” one of my “best friends” saying all this about my grandmother? Did this bitch just tell him that my grandmother’s death wasn’t important? Nixed from MySpace & Facebook. Number deleted out my phone.

A Facebook message? This dude has some nerve. “so ur that mad that i didn’t call u back that u delete me from internet sites?” Are you serious? Did really just ask me that? You just said my grandmother’s death wasn’t important.. Mind you it’s because I never spoke about her. I barely speak about my brother. Does that mean *God forbid* if he passed away that his death shouldn’t be important to me? You disgust me. There goes our friendship.

Fin.

Grandma, Sara, & Me

Yes.. That’s me.

Ok. I’m done venting. Grandma, I miss you. I still remember you walking up to Hawthorne to get me after school. Sorry for stealing the Jellos out of your fridge, even though you probably already knew me and Sara were taking them. Jeopardy & Wheel of Fortune aren’t the same. I miss sitting in your room at night with you as you fell asleep to that creepy Christian radio guy. He really did scare me.

Oh and I know that’s you constantly messing with my TV. Stop it lol =/ you know I’m afraid of the dark. But I wouldn’t mind if you suddenly appeared in one of my mother’s dreams and tell your daughter how much of an asshole her boyfriend is. =]

Anyway, I hope I’m making you proud. I love you, Grandma.

♥ April Rose