For you I wear my heart on a short sleeve.

I took a trip to Pluto today courtesy of the homie Esh. I sat there vibing to Wiz Khalifa and reading about bed sheets. Quite interesting actually. And then I got to the part where she posed this question: ”Why do people run away from good situations, yet find it so easy to get comfortable in a fucked up one?”

My answer? Well, I can only speak from personal experience. When I had something good going for me, I found myself sabotaging it. I wanted to find fault in what we had. If there wasn’t a problem, I had to create one. Why? Because I was scared.

And anytime I got out of a good situation, I would always find myself in a bad one. Yet, I always stuck it out longer in the relationships with stressful circumstances. Maybe it was because I thought I could change the person I was with. He wanted to act reckless? Well, I wanted to be the person he thought was worth changing his behavior for.

And this ladies and gentlemen turns into a never-ending cycle of hurt and confusion until you find a way to break free. Yay.

Esh’s question reminded me of a conversation that I had with someone. Let’s call him.. Seven. Seven is/was/always will be someone special to me. I hold him very near and dear to my heart. While in the midst of a normal conversation with him, he stopped and asked me, “why do you put up with me? Like I know I dont do it intentionally, but I hurt you, break your heart, and everything. Why?”

I stopped and thought about it for a moment. It was a question that I had often wondered the answer to myself. I mean Seven hurt me.. a lot. He lied to me when he always promised to keep no secrets. He said he cared, but I didn’t feel it oftentimes. I’ve cried on countless occasions over the things Seven has done, so why did I still stick around?

My response was simple: “because I love you unconditionally..” [and more was said afterwards, but that's not really important]. Call me stupid if you want, but that was the realest answer I could give. I love him.. I always will. Even though he put me through hell, I’ll always be there for him. I’ve seen sides to him most haven’t. Seven is an amazing person even if his actions don’t show it at times. It sounds strange after speaking about all the hurt he caused, but I’m grateful to have him in my life.

And his response? “and I love you as well” -smiles- And that was all I really needed. I knew he was genuine about his feelings for me. And deep down, all that pain he caused, I know he didn’t mean to..

Or maybe that was just me being a wishful thinker.. hoping that one day I’d be the one Seven thought was worth changing for. That I wouldn’t have to find a way to break out of this cycle because he ended the lies, deceit, and pain himself.

Who knows anymore.. I damn sure don’t.