“..buying plane tickets, having flings and enjoying life.”
says my big brother.
I’ve never been that kind of girl to just up and leave on a whim, to have flings, to not have a plan in my mind. Everything has to be calculated for me. I have to be sure of what the outcome will be in order to prevent myself from getting into a situation I’d rather not be in. And yet here I am with tickets bought, ready to step out of my element.
I think this change in me has a lot to do with the ending of Seven and I. I was in love. I planned out the future he said he wanted with me. I was a great woman to him and did everything I was supposed to do.. and it still didn’t work. I was unhappy. He never knew what he wanted and just couldn’t give me that full commitment. I can’t knock him. Sometimes people just aren’t ready, but I couldn’t wait another two years for him to finally come to his senses.
That whole relationship was my wake up call. It taught me that maybe my methodical way of going about life just wasn’t working. I’ve spent so much time with my thoughts lately and it made me realize I can’t focus on the future all the time. How can I really plan every moment when life throws in so many variables that.. fuck shit up? My worrying about the future only brought me more stress. I needed to sit back and enjoy these moments that I’ve been missing out on while trying to plan for what lies ahead.
And here’s where he comes in.. This one? I think he’s the beginning of me really going about life with that new outlook. I wouldn’t call him a fling. I mean this is definitely more than a crush.. word to LL. The only thing I’m really sure of with him is that I genuinely like him and where we’re at right now. I’m happy with letting us just be.. and enjoying my time spent with him, not trying to plan every kiss and encounter.
My situation with him, and honestly everything that has transpired over the last couple of months, have helped me realize that I can get more out of life when I simply.. well.. live. That is what I’m supposed to be doing at 22, right?
Oohh. That sounds exciting.
where is he at?
So it’s happening? #Nice. This was a helpful reminder to myself, as well: why NOT do everything we want to do WHEN we want to? My wife is probably in Monaco and I’m here, chillin’, not meeting her. I feel you 100%, because I feel like 30 is right there and I’m not trying to wait until 30.