K: Because hoes out here fuckin’ for a full tank of gas..
T: And I’m about to be one of them..
A: Oh ok.
T: April, I am not playing Sexual Words With Friends with you.
-phone rings-
A: Hello?
T: GIRL I am NAKED and I kinda wanna be done tonight.
-as she reads my tweets-
T: Girl who said I’m naked and I wanna be done tonight?
A: Uh you..
T: I DID?!?
A: I was dressed like a ho, but you know.. like a classy ho.
A: I was having very inappropriate thoughts about these light skin men at the lounge.
T: Does that mean light skin is making a comeback?
A: … nah.
O: You not bout that action you Jungle Bunny.
N: Did she not see Blood Diamond?!? She know how my people get down.
A: This convo just got so racist.
J: -sends picture-
A: My mouth needs to be on you right now.
T: Oh shit. Don’t pull out!… Damn I never said that out loud…
T: What’s the worst he could do?
A: The dude who doesn’t use vowels? Try & spell ‘onomatopoeia’?
T: (-_-) I was talking about careers.
A: Would it be.. “Love [colon] I don’t get enough of it [period]?”
T: It would be.. “Everybody [comma] wanna know what my Achilles’ heel is [question mark]” and then what you said.
A: I thought it was a statement.
T: I took it as a question.. This is why I can’t be your friend anymore.
A: Why?
T: Because I’m sitting here analyzing raps lyrics for grammar..
A: You never spit on a penis before?
T: … I feel like my mouth is wet enough.
-later in the conversation-
T: Did you ask before you spit on it or did you just do it?
A: I just did it. Who likes dry head?!
T: I think that God meant for me to be drunk tonight..
G: Hello?
A: I have a question. What do you pack when you’re about to do some ho shit?
A: I can’t have sex for like another 3 weeks! I mean I can, but..
G: What are you tryna do? Save it?
A: YES!
A: He put the pussy in a sarcophagus…
T: But he did not bruise my esophagus.
K: i dont trust a starbuck’s if i dont see an asian behind the counter. “Get your white hands off my half and half mocha latte, you anglo-saxon devil’
A: I like how you refer to him as the boy I used to do.
T: If he could get some balls, maybe his penis can wander his way back into your vagina again.
A: So you gonna break this celibacy thing?
T: Really I just want head. Do I have to give head to get head? It’s my birthday.
T: He looks like Simba.
A: I’m going to tell him you said that.
T: No! He might not think he looks like a lion.
A: But Simba’s cute.
T: I know.. in a liony way.
N: I didn’t know that proper English could get you the cheeks.
T: My mouth stays wet enough on its own.
Ace: I need a comb. My pubic hair nappy.
T: He needs somebody who’s going to treat him like shit so he can sit and cry about it.
T: Reggie kinda fine.. in that ‘I don’t care that you fucked Kim Kardashian’ kind of way
A: Nah.. he ain’t THAT fine.
A: I want a relationship… eventually.
T: You want dick. You want hard dick and cunnilingus.
T: Can two light skin dudes be on top?
A: That sounded so dirty in my head.
T: Why are you such a slutbucket?
S: I’m in the middle of the kitchen watching porn.
A: You’re winning. That’s what you’re doing.
G: All UNC’s guards all been dark skin, 6’1 & lightning fast. Marshall came in & said I’m light skin & left handed. It’s time for a change..
A: I don’t think my hands are sturdy enough to perform surgery.
N: I feel like I’m good at video games. I should be okay at it.
A: What if I moved to Kansas?
T: I would not visit you. What’s her name was clickin her heels for how long tryna get out of Kansas?
T: Everybody had it out for Mufasa. Fucking Scar, them damn hyenas..
A: The fact that we’re on the phone at 9:51 in morning discussing the impact of Mufasa’s death on our childhoods..
-looking at engagement rings-
T: What am I gonna do if he’s broke but I love him?
J: I wish Janelle Monae would stop dressing like a waiter and show them titties.. Dressing like Buddy Holly.
T: I need to find a man that can sing me out of my panties..
S: I can hardly swallow pills, how could I possibly swallow a dick.
A: That’s called rape…
R: No, that’s called strong arm love.. Kobe got away with it, so can I..
A: (-_-)
J: Because we’re talking about the Holy Trinity.
A: Asa, Catalina, and Isis?
J: Yeah them bitches form like Voltron..
J: Imagine having sex with Asa Akira. Go head, April. Imagine it. You will grow a dick thinking about it..
J: I just want to throw on a pair of Spongebob Dub Zeros and snatch somebody’s girl. That’s how Show Out makes me feel. I’m going to put on a Platinum FUBU jean jacket and snatch her up. Thank you Roscoe Dash.
J: Roscoe Dash is a martyr. Roscoe Dash is what democracy is.
A: Flocka!
N: BOW BOW BOW!
A: That’s why we’re bffs.
N: Yup.
A: But I ask these questions out of genuine curiosity. I don’t try to set thirst traps.
J: Yep. You’re just like, ”I’m just being inquisitive.. and if my head game gotta be the focal point of that question then so be it…. bitch.”
A: You can’t be hood if you can have a bear on your porch at any given moment.
J: Sounds pretty hood to me. Yellowstone trappin.
J: Travis Porter is just the trappin’ version of B5