“I love you and I’m going to wait as long as it takes to be with you..”
He’d been hinting at it in previous conversations and visits, but had never before flat out said the words, “I love you.” The feelings were mutual. Honestly I felt that way before he ever said anything. Yet, as he whispered the words I longed to hear from him, I laid there not sure how to reply.
See the situation between us was a difficult one and had morphed into something confusing over the course of our friendship. I went from barely acknowledging Mr. Bewildering to spending hours lost in conversation with him. I could talk to him about any and everything. He made me laugh, made me smile, made me feel comfortable. We were good for each other.. or so I thought.
Then one day Mr. Bewildering up and disappeared. There were no explanations as to why. He was just gone. No, it wasn’t like he fell off the face of the earth. I still saw him around. He just chose to eradicate himself from my life. Pissed and perplexed couldn’t even begin to describe how I felt.
Three weeks later he was back apologizing. He made up some excuse as to why he had suddenly made himself scarce. A long embrace followed by “I’m sorry and I missed you” and I was back under his spell. That lasted all of a couple weeks.. and then he was gone.. again. I chalked it up as a L and kept it moving.
Months had passed and I had decided to check up on him. I no longer felt any ill will towards Mr. Bewildering. I guess that’s a case of me being too forgiving. A simple text turned into a long conversation and it was like we never missed a beat. This time I wasn’t interested in becoming his Mrs. I just sincerely missed his friendship. Soon I became the one he’d turn to to vent. I sat and listened about his relationship problems with his psychotic girlfriend. I gave the best advice I could. I could tell he really cared about her, so for his sake I hoped they worked out their issues… They didn’t.
Another couple of months had gone by and we were still pretty good friends. Then I got a text. “I’m coming over.” Cool. We spent that night laughing, watching videos, enjoying each other’s company. Around 4 am I walked him to the door and he tried to kiss me. I dodged it, not wanting to get caught up in the same situation from before. But I kept seeing him, kept speaking to him and the inevitable happened.
Now we’re back to where the story began. You would think I’d learn not to trust him by this time. He had hurt me twice before. Why should this be any different? But as his presence became a constant fixture in my life, I couldn’t ignore my feelings anymore. I told him we were good for each other. He agreed. Well then maybe should be together. I wanted to give it a try. You would think he’d be happy to hear that after his previous proclamation right? Not quite. Suddenly he had his reservations and as much as I tried to appease him of them, he was gone for the third time.
And that’s how he earned the named Mr. Bewildering because quite frankly, I don’t think I’ll ever understand him or his actions. We were good for each other. He and I both knew that, but I guess that just wasn’t good enough for him. Or maybe he just wanted things done on his time. Who knows.. The reason why isn’t really important anymore.
So Mr. Bewildering, if you ever come across this, I honestly wish you the best. My feelings for you were real. I’m not quite sure about yours, though. I hope that you never put another woman through what you did [or rather what I let you do] to me. And I hope you know that you lost out on something special..