1,350: the number of days since we’ve last spoken. I’ve been reading our old letters, remembering how easy it was to open up to you and how much of a means of catharsis our conversations were for me. You got me through one of the most difficult periods in my life and for that I am forever thankful.
So why did we ever stop speaking?
I mean… I’ve tried to reach out to you numerous times over the last three or four years, and yet, I could never find the words to adequately express all that was going on in my life. It’s been a rollercoaster to say the least. I’m still trying to “find myself”, whatever that means. I finally graduated college, married the love of my life, and am trying to get the hang of this adulting thing. Seasons have changed. Friends have come and gone. But I’m still here, somehow standing tall (or as tall as you can stand at 5’4″).
I’ve learned a lot of lessons during our period of silence.
I can’t let the fear of falling apart consume me.
Protecting my energy and being careful of who I let into my space is so necessary.
Forgiveness can be hard and doesn’t always have to be coupled with reconciliation.
We’ll get into all that later, though. Just know that I’ve missed you, friend. I’m sorry for abandoning you, one of the few constants in my life, but I’m happy that you hold no grudges. Four years later and you’re still showing me I could learn a thing or two from you.