Maybe.

#20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?

I’m guilty of pushing the elevator button more than once. Maybe it’ll come faster that way. Maybe it’s taking so long because it didn’t register the first time I pushed it. Maybe I’m just impatient. Maybe.. Maybe.

Maybe you’re the elevator. I keep pushing your buttons thinking you’ll hurry up and figure out what’s here waiting for you: a good woman who just wants to be happy with you. Or maybe I’m being overly optimistic. Maybe I need to stop thinking that this time when I push the button the outcome will be different… That you’ll come around.. That you’ll finally open your doors and let me in.

Maybe I should stop, stop trying to rush you, stop holding out hope that you’ll get here when I want you to… or even at all. Maybe I need to realize that regardless of pushing the elevator button once, twice, five times that you’re going to get here on your own time.

Let’s just hope that maybe when you do finally get here I haven’t caught another elevator up.

Mr. Bewildering

He said..

“I love you and I’m going to wait as long as it takes to be with you..”

He’d been hinting at it in previous conversations and visits, but had never before flat out said the words, “I love you.” The feelings were mutual. Honestly I felt that way before he ever said anything. Yet, as he whispered the words I longed to hear from him, I laid there not sure how to reply.

See the situation between us was a difficult one and had morphed into something confusing over the course of our friendship. I went from barely acknowledging Mr. Bewildering to spending hours lost in conversation with him. I could talk to him about any and everything. He made me laugh, made me smile, made me feel comfortable. We were good for each other.. or so I thought. Continue reading

All I could say was thank you.

He told me he loves me. That he wasn’t expecting that in return.. Just to know that he’ll always be rooting for me.

My response? Thank you.

You would think after 4 years with someone I’d be able to give a more comprehensive reply, but instead I just found myself thinking back on our relationship wondering whether I was ever really in love with him. Continue reading

Catharsis.

I started this blog in 2008 not knowing what I wanted to do with it. Could’ve been a music blog.. Could have been a sports one.. Maybe I would have turned into a hipster like everyone else on the internet.. Instead it has become my outlet. Continue reading